List : New Year Resolutions

I've got a long list of new year resolutions but by now have read roughly 1 million blog posts of other peoples' and am BORED so here's someone else's list:

Thursday January 1stThese are my New Year’s resolutions:

1. I will help the blind across the road.

1. I will hang my trousers up.

1. I will put the sleeves back on my records.

1. I will not start smoking.

1. I will stop squeezing my spots.

1. I will be kind to the dog.

1. I will help the poor and ignorant.

1. After hearing the disgusting noises from downstairs last night, I have also vowed never to drink alcohol.

My father got the dog drunk on cherry brandy at the party last night. If the RSPCA hear about it he could get done. Eight days have gone by since Christmas Day but my mother still hasn’t worn the green lurex apron I bought her for Christmas! She will get bathcubes next year.

Recognise this extract? If you don't please make your new year's resolution to READ ALL THE ADRIAN MOLE BOOKS. If you already enjoy Adrian then do yourself a favour and follow THIS TWITTER for hilarious extracts from his diaries.

P.S. my very favourite quote is the line "I would sooner wash a corpse" - what a drama queen